Why do humans feel the need to constantly judge?
When we are raised, we get constant feedback on our action, our feelings and even on our thoughts. We develop this notion that they are either good or bad. We learn that in order to feel good we should do that which is ‘good’, because the feedback of our environment makes us feel wanted. It celebrates what it likes and it punishes what it dislikes.
Within an individual it can take one of two forms. Either we start to judge ourselves constantly. “Is what I do good enough?” Or we start to constantly judge our surroundings.
It can also manifest both forms within one person, but usually it is one or the other. Since the people who constantly judge themselves know how painfull it is to be judged that they stop judging others. Or at least they victimize themselves relative to the always judging nature of that which they see around them. This is an illusion ofcourse, but we come to that later.
So, the individual that is in constant agony of the believe that what they do should be good are directing their energy outward to look for clues constantly of the evidence that they are in fact ‘good’. The problem with this is, that is you believe that you are only ‘good’ when your surroundings is telling you that, you will never feel intrinsically good enough.
The oppposite arises when you start judging all that is around you. What is happening then, is that you are constantly looking for evidence that you are ‘good’ as well, but this time by searching for that which you label as ‘less than you’. Therefore, you conclude that you must be ‘good’. The same problem arises in this case, you will never feel intrinsically ‘good’. Only by diminishing the importance of that around you, you’ll make yourself more important.
In the rare case that both these ways of judgement are present within one individual, they are no longer in touch with their feelings. It would be so painfull to constantly judge yourself and others, that you disconnect from feeling the pain all together and live from your head and no longer from the heart.
We don’t want to fall into this trap of judgement at all,
either one of these three cases.
But how do we do this?
The solution is forgiveness.
Ask yourself this question: “If I forgive myself what would happen?”
There are a few things that might pop into your head. The first is: “I did nothing to forgive.” Is this true? And if so, what would be the problem in forgiving yourself anyway? It is important to investigate this unwillingness to do so. Would you no longer be ‘good’ if you did? Or what is it that you are afraid of?
The other thing that might pop up into your thoughts is: “If I forgive myself, wouldn’t that mean that I allow myself to do ‘bad’ things?” In this case it is really important to investigate the difference between allowing and forgiveness. If you forgive yourself for that thing you said to a specific person on a specific day, would that mean you would do it again?
Forgiveness is not a way to justify what you did, it is simply a way to release yourself from the bonds of the past. It won’t give you a free pass to start doing harmfull things. Since you know from experience that by harming another you will harm yourself. Why would you do that?
Only in the case in which you are in pain you would choose to do so. Only if you are in pain you will cause harm to others. Looking for the help which you so much need. Maybe if I do something bad people start noticing me. or looking to cause the harm to others which you feel inside to make them understand what you are going through.
In conclusion, the individual is looking for a way to get rid of the pain and doesn’t know how to go about it. The person doesn’t know that they are only causing more harm and digging themselves deeper. But how to get from this to forgiveness? It seems like a rather big leap of faith.
By residing in the believe system that you are not worthy of forgiveness, you can say the words “I forgive myself”, but not believethem. The feeling of forgiveness is what we want to go about manifesting. But by uttering the words “I forgive myself” you will be left in a dissonant frequency that contradicts itself, because your feeling is telling you that you do not feel it is true.
Now we are in this place where we are completely disillusioned and confused about the state that we are in. This is the best gift that you can give yourself, even though you do not know it yet. Thinking or saying the words “I forgive myself” will make the floor underneath you shake and feel unsteady and you will feel afraid that it will completely disappear.
But what if I tell you that this floor you are standing on is a complete illusion and a construct of your mind? That will give you mixed feelings, doesn’t it? You feel the truth in it, but at the same time the mind loses it’s grip. And that is exactly the way we want to go. We want to shake away the constructs of the mind and let the truth shine through more and more. And you will feel more and more in alignment.
The mind will make up all sorts of things not to go that way. The mind is afraid it will lose control, since control is the reason of it’s existance. But by allowing these constructs of the mind to dissolve more and more you will remember more and more of who You are.
I could continue and tell you what it will be like, but you already know that in the core of your being. You just have to be exited enough to want to allow it in and to be willing to let go of the stuff you do no longer need. And you will tell me or show me how that feels when you arrive in that ‘place’ energetically.
Enjoy the ride!
Laura R. Wiarda